Unexpected Nostalgia

From a young age, entering college was an event I knew I would partake in. Considering both of my parents attended college, their excitement towards my academic future was clear. It wasn’t until the college process was before me that I began to experience fears surrounding my self worth, my intelligence, and most importantly my capability to embrace change. After conversing about my future with both my college counselor and my high school counselor, reality set in; I was told which schools were possible, and which were not. While this information was thrilling, it most definitely came with disappointment. These conversations planted my first feelings of self doubt; I questioned whether or not I was smart enough, especially since my test scores were less than ideal. My identity for the first time in my life was challenged.

My testing experience throughout the college process was the driving force of my anxiety. Attempting to improve my score four separate times, my scores stayed stagnant. I was exceedingly disappointed in my lack of improvement, especially considering how heavily considered test scores are in an individual’s application.  In navigating this challenge, I was not only forced to surrender my habitual need for control, but I learned to accept myself completely. Although this experience was adverse, it served as a vital lesson in life. 

Another major fear of mine during the process was anticipating immense change. As exhilarating as the idea of college can be, leaving everything you’ve ever known is far from easy. Asking my college counselor, parents, and brother an excessive amount of questions, my anxiety failed to lift; I felt afraid. In coursing this uneasiness, I began to communicate with my close friends, role models and teachers; I soon learned that I was far from alone. This experience led me to realize the great support I had, whether that be near or far.

After discussing with the Orange High School students on Monday, I was left with a feeling of nostalgia. The uncertainty they displayed reminded me so vividly of myself; I emphasized with them deeply as the period of time that lays before them is rather tumultuous. The questions they asked made me feel old, as they have no idea of the wonderful experiences that lay ahead. Anxiety was most definitely an emotion they demonstrated, but the reassurance I shared felt as though it made a difference for them; I feel honored to be gifted with the opportunity to assist and support these students in theirs.

The lessons I gained after surviving my college process have shaped me into the person I am today, and I know that the individuals of Orange High School will soon feel the same way.